First Look: The Fruit Of The Loom Cinematic Universe
We peek behind the curtain of an upcoming I.P. behemoth.
For most of our customers, a trip to Rewind Video is simple: pick out a movie or three, possibly with a nudge from our knowledgable staff, add a large popcorn (or three), and head home for a night (or three) of cinematic entertainment.
But for some, the local video store clerk serves a variety of functions: therapist, confidante, educator, guru, and occasional mediator of movie-related disputes. We’re sort of the bartenders for neighborhood cinephiles, at least the ones that don’t drink.
We hear a lot about the movie business this way. There is no shorter cut to street cred within the film community than having the respect of your local clerk.
A lot of the information we get is fake — a sad attempt to impress us with proximity to The Business. Some of it is merely unimpressive: a call sheet, unsubstantiated gossip, behind-the-scenes production details picked up from a cut-rate Twitter (X?) account.
Every so often, however, we get a juicy bit of intelligence that we’re able to confirm with our Official Sources. Even rarer is when said intelligence falls into a gray-enough zone that we’re comfortable sharing it with other customers.
This week was one of those times.
A customer claimed to have intimate knowledge — thanks to a sister-in-law employed by the studio — of an upcoming trilogy based on a previously unexplored I.P.
While it hasn’t been publicly announced, the first movie in the trilogy is currently in the post-production phase, and the second has already been green-lit for for a fast-track production once the WGA and SAG-AGTRA strikes get resolved.
The third movie is currently in the conceptual stage, but several high-profile writers and producers have been banging away at it for months, and the studio has a basic story treatment that they are prepared to move forward with. This treatment is the document that was given to us.
It’s not the sort of thing we would normally share in our newsletter without permission, but the customer in question is extremely delinquent on late fees, and has an unreturned copy of Meet The Feebles in their possession, so this is a nice chance to prove that actions have consequences.
What follows is an undated internal communication that includes the basic plot outline for Polyester Jester & The Fabric Of Time, the third planned film in the Fruit Of The Loom Cinematic Universe.
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To: w******o**@****studios.net
From: s****m***@****studios.net
CC: LoomSquad [group]
Subject: FRUIT OF LOOM 3 - ‘Eyes only’
This is [REDACTED]’s latest swipe at ‘JESTER.’ It checks all the boxes that the last draft didn’t, including being more realistic in regards to budget, and also getting all of the character names correct.
Let’s move ahead right away to the next steps: toy line, posters, online stuff. Is there a way to sell FOTL-branded fruit? I don’t want any stone unturned.
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Polyester Jester - TREATMENT - draft 6
Intro:
This is a superhero-style adventure that weaves together humor, action, and historical intrigue. It's a tale of friendship, resilience, and the enduring power of natural fibers.
Act 1:
In the vibrant world of Cottonville, our Fruit of the Loom characters — Green Grapes, Purple Grapes, Leaf, and Apple — live harmoniously.
Their lives are upended when they discover the "Fabric of Time," a mystical cloth with time-altering abilities, in a nearby cave.
News of this discovery reaches King Nylon, who dreams of a world dominated by synthetic fibers. He enlists the Polyester Jester, a member of his Royal Court, to infiltrate our heroes' group and steal the Fabric.
Act 2:
Our heroes prepare to embark on their time-traveling mission to protect the Fabric. They are approached by the Polyester Jester, who presents herself as a rogue synthetic fiber seeking redemption. She convinces them that she can help navigate the perils of time travel, and with some hesitation, they accept her into their group.
As they journey through pivotal moments in textile history, from the invention of the spinning wheel to the creation of the first pair of jeans, the Polyester Jester subtly undermines their mission.
Throughout their journey, the group grows stronger. However, they remain oblivious to the Polyester Jester's true intentions. They begin to rely more on the Jester, unaware of the danger that lurks within their ranks.
The Polyester Jester, seizing an opportune moment, steals the Fabric of Time and leaves our heroes stranded in a perilous moment in history, surrounded by an army of synthetic fibers under the command of King Nylon.
Act 3:
Our heroes refuse to surrender. They use their knowledge of natural fibers to fashion weapons and defenses from the environment around them. They battle the synthetic army, their camaraderie and resilience shining through in the heat of the conflict.
The Polyester Jester presents the Fabric of Time to King Nylon, but as she watches the battle unfold, she begins to question her loyalties. She sees the bravery and unity of the Fruit of the Loom characters and contrasts it with King Nylon’s tyranny and obsession with power.
In a moment of revelation, the Polyester Jester realizes the error of her ways. She decides to make amends and rushes back to the battlefield, using the Fabric of Time to transport herself there instantly.
She arrives just in time to save our heroes from a deadly attack. The Polyester Jester uses her knowledge of synthetic fibers to exploit the weaknesses of the synthetic army, leading to their defeat.
In the final confrontation, King Nylon, enraged by the betrayal, attacks the Polyester Jester. The Jester, backed by her newfound friends, stands her ground.
They engage in a fierce battle, which ends when the Jester uses the Fabric of Time to trap King Nylon in a time loop, forever reliving his defeat.
In the aftermath, the Polyester Jester returns the Fabric of Time to our heroes and is welcomed into the Fruit of the Loom family, symbolizing the unity of natural and synthetic fibers.
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